Love in the Darkness: A shy girl alpha male romance novel Read online

  “How did you know the schedule?”

  “Gwen left the information right on the fridge. She’s thorough. She texts me a couple of times a day reminding me of everything I need to do.”

  “I’m so lucky to have you,” I sighed, finally unclenching. “Sorry about wrinkling your shirt.”

  “Don’t you dare worry about me, Kayla,” he whispered.

  There was a pause, both of us simply breathing together. I don’t think I’d ever had such a comfortable moment of stillness with anyone in my life. Then I felt his lips brush the top of my hair. “Are you hungry?” he asked softly.

  “Not for a few minutes.” My hand reached up to stroke his beard. My fingertips hovered over his lips, and he kissed each one in turn. Then he held my hand against his heart, while we snuggled silently.

  CHAPTER TEN

  * Liam *

  I hated leaving her again. But I couldn’t think of a good enough reason to stay, even as her perfect lips pouted slightly when I left.

  I had no way to know whether telling Kayla about my face was the right thing or not. On one hand, I didn’t want to frighten her. She was obviously vulnerable right now, and I shouldn’t be adding any sort of doubt in her mind.

  My editing job involved constantly looking for things to fix. It had become part of me, and I couldn’t help wanting to do everything I could to improve Kayla’s world.

  I was her caregiver at the moment. There needed to be a bond of trust, even in bizarre circumstances like this. Yet somehow she hadn’t seemed disturbed by the scars at all. She seemed almost… intrigued.

  On the other hand, I needed to warn her. I couldn’t let her think I looked like a normal guy. I wasn’t the sort of man that she should consider having a relationship with.

  By the way she needed to be held, it felt like she hadn’t been in a relationship for a long time, if ever.

  Which, if I stepped outside of the situation and simply looked at it logically, was a horrible shame. Kayla was a wonderful person. Quick to laugh, quick to try new things even if they were strange. She chatted easily about every topic under the sun.

  Avoiding harsh daylight didn’t seem like that much of an inconvenience to one’s life. I preferred the forest to the beach anyway.

  I gave my head a shake. This was not about me. I couldn’t think for one second that she’d be anything but disturbed when she finally saw that her kind-hearted fake nurse looked like he just broke out of prison.

  With most people, first impressions slotted you into a mental category, and that was that. It didn’t matter that I was hard-working, dedicated and sharp. I owned a nice little condo, and had a few investments. My life was pretty much in order. But why would anyone want to know all of that about a big dude who looked like a thug?

  If I had known that my face was going to be scarred, I might not have gotten full sleeve tattoos in my mid-twenties. But at the time, I’d wanted to look dangerous. Or at least, confident. More masculine. It was while I was in the process of bulking up.

  Now that I was thirty-six, I knew that if I were in a movie, I’d be the evil crime lord’s number one bodyguard. I’d put up a great fight before dying out across the floor dramatically, making a few final quips.

  Kayla deserved better. She needed a man that she could take out in public without there being suspicious glances.

  I couldn’t even imagine what her parents would say if they saw me. I know she’s not close with them, but I’m likely a father’s worst nightmare.

  The only opinion I was interested in was Kayla’s. And I knew that when her eyes finally opened and she saw me for the first time, I’d see disappointment.

  Please, oh please, let it be disappointment, not fear.

  I could handle not dating her. I didn’t think for one second that that option was even on the menu. But I’d like to be friends, or at least acquaintances. I could be the guy she calls when she’s having furniture delivered. I could be the guy she texts now and then to discuss the art of tattoos.

  Even if I’m not the guy in her life, I needed to be a guy in her life.

  After the awkward but wonderful days we’d spent together, I don’t know how I’d live with myself if she were afraid of me.

  It would be the last of a long line of messages from the world that I’m a monster who needed to be hidden.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  * Kayla *

  Waking up from a regular alarm was lousy, but the loud bell ringing me out of sleep was horrifying. It took me a minute of thrashing at my phone to realize that it was the fire alarm.

  I’d thought that Gwen was being paranoid by alerting my neighbor about my predicament. But I was relieved to hear little Mrs. Henderson knocking on my door as I was getting my shoes on. Thank goodness I’d slept in leggings and a huge old t-shirt. I grabbed my sweater and purse, and let her lead me to the stairwell.

  Mrs. Henderson’s top speed was about the same as mine, but at least she could see where we were going as she guided us down the concrete steps. Thank goodness we were only on the seventh floor.

  Walking down flight after flight of stairs, I held the railing but also tested every step before trusting it. I had the sensation that I was slowly falling. Terror that I was going to have another dizzy spell filled my core. I didn’t want to think about trying to get through that without Liam with me.

  Mrs. Henderson kept her arm linked with mine while we walked across the lawn. We went past a crowd of people, until we were standing under a tree at the corner of the property.

  “Here you are, dear. You’re so pale, I don’t want you to suddenly get too much sun.”

  “Thanks.”

  I tried to breathe slowly and deeply, but it was hard not to panic being outside. I felt so exposed. Helpless.

  The fire trucks were already out front, and Mrs. Henderson squeezed my arm. “Oh dear, I wish you could see the big one with the mustache. He’s a piece of gear himself.”

  I howled with laughter at how saucy she was.

  It was clear that it was a false alarm, but they had to check and reset the system before letting us back in. My neighbor told me all about the new fruit market that she and the other ladies had been going to lately. It was cheaper, and it was easier to reach things since their shelves were a bit lower than the other stores.

  Then I felt my neighbor’s fingers dig into my forearm. “There’s a big rough looking guy coming our way. Should I yell for the super?”

  I smiled hopefully. “It might be Liam.”

  “Who’s that? He looks like some sort of thug.”

  “Kayla?” I heard a familiar deep voice. “It’s me.”

  “Hi,” I said, turning a bit to face him. “Liam, this is Mrs. Henderson. She lives a few doors down from me.”

  “Hello,” he said softly, and it sounded like he was shaking her hand. “I’m Kayla’s nurse for the week.”

  I felt her elbow subtly jab my ribs. “Well, now, I’ve never seen a nurse like you before.”

  “I know. I’m filling in for my sister due to a strange turn of events.”

  I heard rustling around the front of the building. “It looks like they’re letting people back in now,” he said. “Would you ladies like to wait a few minutes until the elevators aren’t packed?”

  “Good idea,” I said.

  “Actually, I’m going to go chat with Evelyn,” Mrs. Henderson said. “She owes me a game of cribbage.”

  I felt her lean in to whisper, “Are you really okay if I leave you with this guy?”

  I laughed. “I’m fine, thanks.”

  “Okay then, dear. You be careful. And you,” I felt her turn, “Please take good care of her.”

  “I swear I will, ma’am.”

  Liam’s arm circled my shoulders, instantly making me feel completely safe. “I wish I’d been early today. I’m so sorry, Kayla. Were you scared when the alarm went off?’

  “By the time I was getting my shoes on, she was at the door, so I really didn’t have time to thi
nk much.”

  I felt my body instinctively leaning into his as he wrapped an arm around me and slowly led me inside. I didn’t want to think about it being our last full day together. Although I was sick of being in the dark, I was craving his sweetness.

  “Is there anything you really miss?” he asked as we settled onto my couch. I noticed that he was sitting a tiny bit closer.

  “Showers,” I said automatically with a grin. “The baths are okay, and you’re right about the safety aspect. But I can’t wait to scrub my whole face, and feel the falling water.”

  “Yeah, I could see that. Anything else?”

  I thought for a moment. “Everything, I guess. Reading. Checking the weather by looking out the window. Knowing the time just from passing clocks naturally. I miss walking outside.”

  “For what it’s worth, I think you’re staying remarkably calm through all of this.”

  “Were you expecting a temper tantrum?” I grinned.

  “I guess not, but… you’re very composed.”

  I nodded. “Yeah. I’ll admit, it makes me feel a little off-kilter to have company for so long, and I wasn’t sure if I could handle it. But I’m very relaxed around you.”

  “You don’t spend a lot of time with people?” he asked softly.

  “No. I’m a loner. I need my space.”

  “But you go to your classes, and hang out with friends?”

  I realized that I sounded like a loser. “Classes are pretty short, and most of my friends are online. Since Angie moved to Australia, I don’t hang out with many people.”

  “It’s not my business in the slightest,” he said softly, setting his hand on my knee. “But that’s something to think about. You’re lovely to talk to. You seemed pretty shy at first, then you loosened right up.”

  “That’s a rare occurrence, due to bizarre circumstances.”

  “Nope. I think you’re ready. I think you want to break out of your shell and take on the world,” he said. I could hear that he was grinning.

  I started to laugh. “I sort of want to smack you for being a bit pushy, and I sort of want to reach out and feel how hard you’re smiling.”

  Liam took my hands, placing my index fingers on the outer corner of his lips. He smiled widely, drawing my fingers out to the sides of his face.

  “You’re a loon,” I giggled.

  “You’ve found me out. I’ll have to go back into hiding.”

  As our laughter died out, I was hit with a wave of sadness. Hanging out with Liam for the past few days had been wonderful. Somehow his sweetness and quirky conversations had broken through the darkness and left me feeling lighter.

  Trying to imagine him not being around anymore was actually painful. I knew that he had a full, busy life to get back to, and I likely wasn’t the sort of person he’d be interested in spending time with. Yet I couldn’t help wishing.

  We spent the day eating, hanging out, and chatting about everything under the sun. When I asked my phone for the time, I was surprised that it was an hour later than I thought. Liam was still here.

  “I guess I should leave,” Liam said gently. “You should try to get as much sleep as possible before tomorrow.”

  I nodded, unable to speak.

  “What is it?” he asked.

  My expression tightened. “I don’t sleep well before something stressful.”

  “Yeah. I’m worried that there will be another fire alarm or something while you’re here alone.”

  I wanted to beg him to stay, but couldn’t find the words. He had already done so much for me, and this wasn’t even his job.

  “Kayla,” he asked softly, placing a hand on my shoulder, “Would you sleep better if I stayed on the couch?”

  He must have seen the relief wash over me. “Yes. I’m sorry, I know it’s too much to ask–”

  “I offered. It’s all good.”

  Taking my arm, he guided me to the table and sat me down. “It’s a wide, comfy couch. Do you have extra sheets and blankets?”

  “Hall cupboard.”

  I smiled to myself as I listened to him making up the couch. He really was naturally domestic.

  “Now, Gwen has informed me that I snore gently, like a darling kitten. But if it turns into a grizzly bear and wakes you up, just poke me with something sharp.”

  I stood up, and I could sense him turn to grab me. “I’m okay,” I said. “Tooth and hair brushing. Slow but steady.”

  “Okay. Holler if you need me.”

  When I finished in the washroom, I closed my bedroom door for a second, changing into a light tank top, and the baggy silk boy shorts that I usually slept in. Then I realized that I should have said good night before I changed. I hoped that he realized I was going for comfort, not trying to be saucy.

  Carefully stepping back out to the living room, I heard a weird noise from the couch. Was that a sharp inhale? Then Liam cleared his throat. “Ready for a big, fabulous sleep?”

  “Sure,” I said. “Do you have everything you need?”

  “Yeah. Do you?”

  “Yes.” I held out my hand for him and was glad that he stood up, pulling me into his arms. Breathing him in, I snuggled against him, completely crossing every line of our polite flirtation.

  His hand clasped my lower back as the other stroked my hair. “Brave little one,” he whispered. “It’s going to go completely smoothly tomorrow. The doctor is going to freak out when he sees how wonderfully you’ve healed.”

  Reaching up, I ran my hand along the side of his face. “I can’t wait to see you.”

  It felt like a shiver ran through him as his jaw, his back, his elbow all twitched for half a second. “I can’t wait to see your eyes,” he whispered. Then his hand cupped the back of my head, holding me to his chest for a very long moment.

  His lips brushed the top of my hair. “Sweet dreams,” he murmured. Then Liam released me, and I nodded, unable to speak.

  I left my bedroom door open a few inches so that I could hopefully hear him snoring. I knew it would be comforting if I woke up in the night and heard him there.

  I was so terrified about tomorrow that I couldn’t sleep. Everything was too tight. I pulled off my shorts, hating the elastic waist. I switched pillows, needing one that I hadn’t heated up. Even in just a tank top and panties, I threw off the blankets. They were rough, somehow.

  After tossing and turning, my fingers needing to tear the stupid bandages off, I finally tiptoed out to the living room. Liam was snoring softly.

  Knowing that snuggling beside him wasn’t appropriate, I couldn’t help needing it. Reaching down, I felt his bare leg. I hadn’t even thought that he might take his jeans off to sleep.

  “Kayla?” he muttered groggily. “What’s wrong?”

  I didn’t know how to explain that there didn’t have to be something wrong for me to need him.

  “Here,” he said, shifting back and pulling me to sit in the center of the couch so that he was laying around me. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah. I’m fine.”

  His hand instantly began stroking my back, and I already felt a little better. “If you were fine, you’d be in bed asleep. What is it? Are you too nervous about tomorrow?”

  “Yes.” It was a double truth. I was completely nervous about the doctor’s appointment and the results of the surgery. But I was also terrified that once Liam was released from his weird nurse status, I’d never see him again. Even though I’d never seen him to begin with.

  Maybe he could see my bottom lip quivering with frustration and indecision in the dim light that usually came in from the condos across the street.

  “Shh, don’t cry, baby,” he murmured, pulling me down to wrap me in his arms, spooning me. He felt so perfect wrapped around me. I could finally breathe completely again.

  Liam stroked my hair, murmuring into my ear, “Why don’t you try to sleep again, okay? I’ll keep the bad thoughts and dreams away.”

  “Thank you,” I whispered.

  Maybe
it was his hazy half-awake state, or that our walls were finally coming down. I felt his lips press against the side of my neck, sending a deep shudder through every inch of my body. “Girls as pretty as you should never be so sad,” he mumbled. Then it sounded like he’d fallen asleep again, rocking me for a moment before becoming still.

  The sound of his breathing was so peaceful. His chest moved gently against my back like ocean waves, and lulled me into a stupor. I wasn’t quite asleep, but I was so relaxed it didn’t matter.

  Then my consciousness came roaring back as I realized how incredibly aroused I was. So much of his skin pressed against mine. The possessive way he was holding me. The backs of my thighs grazing his legs.

  He was so strong, but so gentle. The thought of making love with him filled me with a deep, soft ache in my core. I felt my inner thighs tighten from the thought of it.

  His bottom arm was curled under me like a pillow, bent so that his palm cupped the top of my head. But as I squirmed slightly, trying not to press my body against his so much, he shifted. His hand fell, tucking in to pull me tighter against him, his palm against the center of my chest.

  I was flooded with so much desire I could barely breathe. Liam’s top hand was on my hip, holding me so that I couldn’t roll off the couch. I felt my hips rocking slightly, pressing back against him, unable to help myself.

  I’d always wanted to be with a man who made me lose control a little, but now was not the time. I knew that I should get up and go back to bed before I threw myself at him.

  It was bad enough that my little tank top had hitched up. His hand was inches from my panties, that were now feeling hot and wet, clinging to my skin. I could barely catch my breath, and my shoulders pressed back against Liam’s broad chest.

  Suddenly I realized that his breathing wasn’t soft and relaxed anymore. He was awake. I didn’t know whether to die of embarrassment or beg him to… I didn’t even know what I wanted.