Love in the Darkness: A shy girl alpha male romance novel Read online

  “I miss you, too. I have to go, but let the nice hunk care for you, and if he turns out to be hot, throw yourself at him.”

  “Classy.”

  “Direct. Take care, Kayla. Love you.”

  “Love you too. Hug Matt for me.”

  “Will do.”

  Sprawling back across my bed, I tried to picture what Liam looked like from the sound of his voice. I had no clear idea. What was fascinating was that I didn’t care. I just wanted to be able to see his eyes so that I had a clearer idea of what he was thinking.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  * Liam *

  Wednesday morning I had Gwen on speaker phone while I prepared to change Kayla’s bandages in the near dark. She had done them Saturday evening before she left. Apparently they only had to be changed this final time.

  Gwen told me precisely how to look for irritation or infection. Then I ended the call, realizing that the light from the phone might disturb Kayla’s sensitive eyes.

  It was so interesting to see more of her delicate face. Even with closed eyes, she was so pretty that my pulse raced from being this close to her. Yet I needed to keep my hands steady.

  She didn’t have any visible cuts or scars, thank goodness. It wouldn’t have bothered me at all, but I didn’t want her to have reminders of this every time she saw a mirror. Kayla looked completely normal, just a little pale. And impossibly beautiful.

  I had always been extremely gentle whenever I touched a woman. But slowly wiping her entire eye area with a warm washcloth was completely unnerving. I was handing her so carefully she may as well have been a live bomb. Smoothing ointment along her closed, sensitive eyelids, my hands were actually shaking. I was terrified to place any pressure on her whatsoever.

  “It’s okay,” Kayla said softly. “The surgeons took knives to my eye muscles. It’s creepy, but I’m sure your fingers aren’t going to hurt me.”

  “Thanks,” I said. “In case it’s not incredibly obvious, I’m really nervous about taking care of you.” She pursed her lips, and I couldn’t read her expression. “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s very strange having someone take care of me. I’ve always been really independent. And having you cook for me, and care for me… It’s just sort of disturbing.”

  I finished taping her fresh bandage in place, smoothing the tape around her forehead and cheekbones carefully. It was hard not to kiss her forehead. “Little one, a woman as beautiful as you should have a man caring for her day and night.” The words had just slipped out.

  She laughed, shaking, as I snatched my hands away so I didn’t accidentally poke her.

  “In order for there to be men in my life, I’d have to actually go somewhere and talk to men, wouldn’t I?” she laughed.

  “You’ve been talking with me just fine for days.”

  She bit her bottom lip for a second, but it was enough to send an indescribable spike of raw lust straight through me. Why did she have to be so damn gorgeous?

  “No offense, but I didn’t have a choice, did I?” she said. “We sort of got thrown into this situation, and in a way, it’s actually easier. Because I can’t see you, it’s like I’m not second-guessing myself as much. I’m not analyzing every single word I say, for fear it’s wrong.” She paused, thinking. “Isn’t it funny that it took losing my sight for a while to help me relax around a guy.” She giggled sweetly. “What a bizarre thing.”

  “To be honest, I would never have guessed,” I said gently. “But I respect if a girl is particular when choosing a guy. There are a lot of losers in this world.”

  Kayla nodded emphatically. “There are a lot of guys who seem to want to conquer a girl. I’m not a prize to be won. I just want to spend time with someone.”

  I nodded, then realized she couldn’t see me and laughed at myself. “I’m nodding again, but you can’t tell.”

  Her giggle was the sweetest little sound. “Thank you so much for staying with me, Liam. I’ve always spent a lot of time alone, and it’s never been a problem. But it’s different when I’m like this. Fragile. Oversensitive. If anything were to happen, I would fall apart. Can you imagine if there was an emergency and I was here alone?”

  Without thinking, I reached out to hold her hand. “I’m a phone call away. And I’m glad that I can be here for you.”

  “Still, feeling this helpless makes me feel like a child. Delicate, and far too girlish.”

  “I like that you’re girlish.” My thumb reached out to trail across her bottom lip. She jumped for half a second, then her lips gently parted before I snatched my hand away. “I like taking care of you. To be honest, I’m hoping that you’ll let me come back even when Gwen is better.”

  “But you must have your own life. I’m sure you’ll be glad to get back to it.”

  I put her hand on my shoulder so that she could feel my exaggerated shrug. “I work at home as well. I hit the gym, I go for coffee, I go for a beer with my buddies on Fridays sometimes. But I’m alone a lot too.” I couldn’t help but notice the way she took her time retracting her hand.

  “Hey, do you feel up to a few minutes of sunshine again?”

  Kayla blushed instantly. “Yes, please,” she nearly whispered.

  I was flooded with relief, then nervousness. She had feelings for me as well. I knew this was obviously a rough time for her, and I knew that I shouldn’t be thinking all of the things careening through my mind, but I couldn’t stop them. I wanted her so badly I couldn’t stand it. Even if it wasn’t right.

  Opening the balcony door, I took her hand and led her forward. “Do you want to take one step out this time?” She nodded. I stepped out first, holding her hand firmly as I helped her step over the edge of the sliding door. With my back against the window, I faced her toward the sun, wrapping my arms around her stomach.

  “Snug and safe?” I asked.

  She nodded. But I noticed that instead of turning her face toward the heat, she was leaning into me, placing her cheek against my chest. Her hands covered mine. She was snuggling back against me, and it felt so good that I couldn’t stop her. Her head was directly over my heart, and my chin nestled into her hair.

  Suddenly she froze. “What’s wrong?” I asked, barely stopping myself from instinctively calling her ‘sweetie’ or ‘baby’. That was weird. I’d never in my life used pet names with a woman.

  “I should have asked before. Um, is there a girlfriend or wife who would be upset that you’re taking such good care of me?”

  I chuckled, shaking her against my chest. “No, Kayla. I’ve been single for a long time.” She nodded, relaxing back against me. “And I assume you must be single. If you had a partner, they would have been here by now, checking on you.”

  She laughed lightly. “The one boyfriend I had for a while would only see me every other Friday night. He worked too much to spare any extra time.”

  “That’s ridiculous,” I murmured into her soft hair. “There is nothing that should keep a good man away from a gorgeous woman like you for a whole week.”

  She laced her fingers with mine. “You sound like a tough guy, but you’re unusually sweet.”

  I had to suppress a shudder. I needed to take her to the bedroom. Or right here. I could feel the raw lust coursing through me. But it was so much more than physical urges. My desire for her was being ignited by her softness, her lightness. Even now, as she was trapped in the dark.

  Part of me knew that she was reaching out to me because of her current predicament. If I considered myself a strong, upstanding man, I needed to draw some lines. I had to be as strong as everyone seemed to think I was.

  A cloud passed over the sun as the breeze picked up, and she shivered. “Let’s get you inside,” I said. Her heavy sigh suggested that she didn’t want me to let go. Turning her to face me, I picked her up, setting her down in the center of the room, then going back to shut and lock the sliding door.

  She spun toward me, reaching her hand out for me, smiling as I took it. Then she tilted her head
up to mine. “Want to curl up on the couch and watch a movie with me?” She giggled so sweetly. “Well, you can watch and I can listen. I can picture most of it if it’s one of my old favorites. And those arms could be my weights again.”

  I forced myself to step back, taking a deep breath. “Little one, I think that might be a bad idea.”

  Her face fell. It felt like a knife twisting in my guts as I realized her upset expression was my fault. I’d have to tell her what I looked like before our tiny flirtation grew any deeper.

  CHAPTER NINE

  * Kayla *

  “I’m sorry,” I gasped, feeling my face flush with heat and humiliation. I couldn’t believe I’d be so stupid as to misread the situation. There was no way that a charming, hulking guy like this would want an average girl who was a bit thick through the middle. I obviously couldn’t keep up on hikes or whatever fit people did. Not to mention that at the moment I was completely helpless, and likely looked a mess.

  “They say that ninety percent of communication is non-verbal,” I whispered, “Most of it is sight. I’m so sorry.” I turned away with my arm out to find the wall so that I could go hide in my bedroom, but he took my hand and held me still.

  “No, oh god no – Kayla, please don’t think that I don’t want you. That is not it at all.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said again quickly. “Forget I said anything. You can go and I’ll just listen to audiobooks.”

  His arms wrapped around me, holding me against his chest. I wanted to stay there forever, but I was also dying of embarrassment.

  “Kayla, I wish you could understand how much I want to snuggle with you right now,” his deep voice rumbled against my ear. “I need a girl like you. You have no idea. But it wouldn’t be right to take advantage of you while you’re fragile.” His lips were nearly against my forehead. “Also, let’s be brutally honest. Little one, you need a man who wears a suit. Who you’d be proud to have on your arm. I could never be that for you.”

  “Why not? I really don’t care about fancy jobs, or money, or any of that.”

  He led me to the couch, sitting close beside me. His scent was making my hips tighten. Woodsy and fresh and so extremely male that it was hard not to lean toward him. I’d never had this reaction to anyone before.

  After feeling numb for days, his hands were bringing back my sense of touch, and making me realize that I’d been craving it so much. For years I wished I’d find a man someday, but I wasn’t bold enough to put myself out there. Now there was an amazing man right here in my apartment, but he didn’t want me.

  Taking my hand in his, he brought my fingertips under the sleeve of his t-shirt. Good grief, his arms were solid. “There is a Celtic dragon that runs from here...” My fingers skimmed around the top of his shoulder. “To here.” He slid my hand down to his wrist. “Some of the artwork goes onto the back of my hand,” he said gently. “So there’s no hiding it.”

  He did the same on the other side, and I was hoping that it was because he enjoyed my touch. “This side is Celtic birds, a griffin, and other mythological creatures.” Pulling my hand from his, I let it slowly slide around and down his bicep, dipping around each curve of muscle. My exploration became a caress, and he could feel the shift. I heard his sharp intake of breath.

  Lifting my hands to his face, he held them there for a moment, and I giggled as I pet his slight scruff of beard. “My eyes are closed,” he said. “Tell me what you feel.”

  Gently drifting around his skin, I sensed his square jawline, high cheekbones, straight nose. His brows were prominent, and he felt like a Norse god of some sort. He felt gorgeous. My stomach was tightening as I realized I never wanted to stop touching him. Then I felt a large dip at the center of his left eyebrow, extending an inch above.

  “Follow the line down,” he said. Did he sound sad?

  My fingers trailed down over his eyelid to where the thick scar reappeared. It dented his skin for another three inches, curving almost to the hairline.

  “What happened?” I whispered. I hadn’t even realized for a second that he’d pulled me onto his lap.

  His heavy sigh twitched through his shoulders. “I was walking Gwen to her car one night when we heard a scream. I told her to get in, lock it and call the cops. I raced toward the noise, and nearly ripped a guy’s arm off when I saw him pushing a young woman into a car. It was dark. I didn’t see the knife until he got his one shot in. But he’ll never use that arm again.”

  His chuckle was dark, uncomfortable. “Honestly, I think the only thing that stopped me from killing him was that terrified girl. I couldn’t let her see something like that. So I left him on the sidewalk with his mangled arm and shoulder, and escorted her over to the cop car that arrived seconds later.”

  “Thank goodness you were there,” I said softly. My hands were still meandering around the planes of his face, then tangling through the sides of his hair.

  “That feels nice,” he murmured. Funny that I could hear his smile, but I dropped my thumb to run it over his lips to check.

  “You have a way with damsels in distress.” I could hear my voice trembling. “I wish we’d met when I was at my best.”

  “No, little one.” His huge hands held my lower back and I wanted so badly to melt against him. “If you saw my scary face, you might never have spoken to me.”

  “It’s just a scar,” I smiled. “The rest of you feels... well, very handsome.”

  He laughed under my thumb. “Thank you. It’s funny, I’ve always been attracted to a woman’s eyes above all else. You’re so beautiful, Kayla. I can’t wait to see your eyes.” He sighed again. “Then I’ll see you stare at my scar, and how I look like a big aggressive biker, or some sort of convict. You’ll suddenly remember that you already asked someone else to the prom but forgot until just now.”

  I placed my forehead against his as we laughed. “You know, instead of an imperfection, it could be kintsugi.”

  He took my fingers and placed them on his eyebrows, then raised one pointedly, making us both laugh again.

  “It’s a Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold or silver. The precious metal accents the object’s history, making it more beautiful.” I cupped his face in my hands. “Liam, you saved a girl’s life. Knowing that’s where the mark came from means it’s a badge of honor.”

  I was so close to his lips that if my eyes hadn’t been bandaged, I would have closed them, begging him to kiss me.

  I felt him hesitate. Then he gently pushed me back very slightly. “If you think of me as an honorable man, then you know I cannot take advantage of this situation.” He lifted me off his lap, sitting me beside him, but keeping his warm hand against my back. “Little one, this is probably a hard time for you. You might be reaching out for comfort because you feel unsteady.”

  His free hand rested on my knee as he asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “About...” I froze, unsure. “What it’s like to be temporarily blind?”

  “Yeah. If you need to vent, sweetie, I’m right here. No judgment.”

  My mouth fell open then snapped shut as I tried to think of what to say. I hadn’t said a word about my feelings to anyone, and I’d been shutting them out so that I could function. My breath caught in my throat. Then I finally stopped thinking and it came pouring out.

  “It’s terrifying,” I whispered. “I know the doctors said that there’s a ninety-five percent chance my vision will improve. What about that other five percent? What if I can never focus again? What if my eyes are so light-sensitive I can never go out in the sunshine? They say they do this all the time, but there’s always a risk. My entire life might be changing right now. I might not be able to drive, or go for walks alone. I might not be able to read a book.”

  I was shaking, choking for air, and couldn’t take a full breath as my hand gripped his shoulder. “And what if my eyes look hideous? What if the right one is still pulling to the right and I look crazy? What if it doesn’t heal cleanly?�
� I gasped. “I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to–”

  “Shh, it’s okay, baby, let it out,” Liam said gently, stroking my back. “That all sounds scary as hell.”

  “And I’m all alone here,” I sniffled, unable to stop the tears that likely weren’t a good idea but I couldn’t help it. “I’m at the mercy of strangers and it’s so uncomfortable and weird, and I don’t feel grounded at all. It’s like I’ve been floating in this dream where I can’t wake up and the only time I’ve felt real for the past several days is when you hold me.” I cringed, horrified that those last words slipped out.

  Liam didn’t make a sound for a second, and I could have died of embarrassment. But his arm slid around me, pulling me in as he leaned back on the couch so that I was lying on his chest. Now both of his arms circled me, pressed against my back. My ear was over his heart as it sped up.

  “I’ve got you. I swear I’ll keep you safe. I can’t imagine how strange this must be, but I’ll do everything I can to help. Okay? I’m right here.”

  Then I really cried. Huge, heaving sobs wracked my entire body, shaking me against him.

  “Good,” he murmured. “Let it out. That’s too much stress for you, little one.” I tried to stop, but he gave me a squeeze. “Cry harder,” he ordered.

  I’d never had anyone even attempt to understand me as much as he did. A fresh wave of deep sobs shook me, and I clutched his t-shirt, gripping the fabric so hard I might tear it.

  “Kayla, please help me do the right thing here, and just care for you. Protect you. I’d do anything to keep you safe.”

  As my tears slowed, I could feel him hesitate, then he cleared his throat. “I have very intense feelings for you, and I know that I shouldn’t. So I’m going to channel them into caring for you, and getting you through this. Does that sound logical?”

  I nodded, trying to release my grip on him. His arms tightened as he rocked me gently. “I know you’re going to be fine, baby. It’s only two more days of waiting, right? Then we go to your doctor Friday morning, and you’re going to be able to see again.”