Heart Shaped Spotlight Read online

  Trisha’s eyes glowed as she looked up at me, but then her gaze darted nervously around the room. Backing away, I nodded, still smiling. She understood that I wasn’t going to call her out.

  I went over to Dave, clapping him on the back. “You won’t believe how many people just watched that stream,” he said quickly, holding up his phone to show me the numbers.

  “Holy shit,” I muttered. He started out the door, and I followed, glancing back to the love of my life one more time. Her eyes flicked between me and the screen several times, then she quickly sat down, hiding again.

  If she didn’t call the number that was now safely stashed in her pocket, I honestly didn’t know what I’d do.

  Chapter Nine ~ Trisha

  * Questions *

  It was incredibly classy of Nate to keep quiet about finding me. Which pointed out yet again that he was the only person who has ever understood me. Every single woman I'd ever met would be jumping around in front of any camera, screaming that she had been his muse.

  Nate understood that I didn't want to be observed. I wanted to be in a smaller world, with a much smaller circle of people. I needed privacy, and to control at least some of my environment.

  I took my time shutting everything down and making notes for the next time we live streamed. Everything had gone perfectly, but that didn't mean it would work the same next time. It should, but things occasionally had a way of breaking down at the last second.

  As I was leaving the studio room, I ran into Gary in the hall and was shocked as he clapped me on the back like one of the guys. He had always acted like he didn't quite trust me, and I wasn't sure whether it was that I was female, or that I was a stranger. He tended to employ people that he was related to, or friends of friends.

  "Well done, Trisha," he said. "Sorry to drop that on you last minute."

  My best professional smile was beaming at full strength. "That's why I needed the extra gear and the extra time to run tests."

  He chuckled as we walked toward reception. "You always seem to be ahead of everything," he said. "I appreciate that."

  "Technical things always go more smoothly when it can be done in advance," I said, repeating what I'd been telling him for two years. "When things happen at the last minute, you don't have time to fix the inevitable glitches."

  Gary chuckled again, turning toward Kim's desk as I turned toward the door. Then he grinned at me. "I think we’ll really show up the Vancouver branch this time."

  I rolled my eyes dramatically while giggling. "Your little war with Vancouver is none of my business," I laughed. His brother ran the twin station on the west coast, and we all openly mocked their silly rivalry.

  "Great work," he said. "Have a good night, Trisha." I saw Kim’s head jolt up at the mention of my name. She must have been so engrossed in her social media obsessions that she hadn’t seen me standing there.

  "Good night,” I said to them both.

  I nodded to Gary and Kim, noticing that she didn't even bother to close the endless browser windows that were open on her second monitor. Movie stars, celebrities, and musicians were everywhere. The one in the center featured a huge photo of Nate. I snapped my eyes away from it before I could focus completely.

  Kim’s nails tapped on the desk as she gave me a nod. She may have simply been irritated at having to do a few actual work-related tasks today, since guests came in. But she was staring at me very strangely.

  “Goodnight, Trisha,” she said. It was odd hearing her trying to sound sweet.

  Waiting until I was halfway to the streetcar stop, I finally pulled Nate’s folded piece of paper from my pocket. It was the neatly printed name and address of a downtown hotel, and a phone number. Underneath, it read, "Tiny mellow chat?"

  Laughter bubbled out of me like a hiccup. Nate and I had always varied wildly between big chats and mellow chats. He figured out that sometimes I was drained from difficult classes and my father's constant yelling. There were some days when I couldn't handle anything more than mellow. It was our code for saying up front that we wouldn't get too deep or serious.

  I thought about calling Carrie for advice, but I knew she would demand that I go to him. And honestly, the decision was already made. My hands were already taking my hair out of my ponytail, and digging for lip balm. If the universe somehow threw us together in a room after being apart for seven years, the least I could do is go chat with the guy.

  For once the streetcar was so fast I didn’t have enough time to think about what I was going to say. Walking into the lovely sparkling hotel lobby, I immediately stood against a wall, pulling out my phone. It was my go-to move when I needed a moment to breathe.

  Sometimes I could power through stressful moments. Sometimes I couldn’t. Right now, walking up to the concierge and saying, “Hi, it’s Trisha here to see Nate Roberts,” just wasn’t possible.

  I typed his number into my phone and sent a text.

  Me: It’s Trisha. In the hotel lobby. Locking up.

  Already we were falling back into old patterns. My being nervous and Nate taking care of me. Talking me down. Protecting me from the world and myself. He knew that when I began to lock up, I was becoming extremely anxious, and needed help.

  There was no way I could ever explain that to anyone else correctly. I knew that he’d remember. At least, I hoped so.

  His message came back almost immediately.

  Nate: Sit. Breathe. I’ll be right there.

  Attempting to stroll through the lobby as if I belonged there, I found a couch that was away from the staff and the endless parade of guests. Holding my back straight, my feet planted on the floor, I did three cleansing breaths.

  “Trisha?”

  Tilting my head up, Nate looked… magnificent. The chandelier was directly behind his head, giving him the halo effect that I’d always envisioned when he endlessly saved me from myself.

  He took my hand politely, helping me stand. Then his long fingers entwined with mine, making me flutter inside while he grinned. “Do you want to get a drink in the lounge, or come to my room for a quiet chat?”

  As always, I knew he wouldn’t judge me on either answer. Nate had always encouraged everyone to go with their gut reactions when it came to the little things. Especially me.

  “Your room.”

  I spoke quietly, but he always heard every word. Leading me to a hallway, his thumb gently circled the back of my hand in a sweet, comforting way. The elevator took us to the top of the building, and he quickly led us to a gigantic suite.

  “The show is trying to dazzle me so that I’ll sign their record deal,” he grinned. “I told them a regular room is fine, but the different departments in that company don’t communicate well.”

  He gave me a minute to stare around the suite that was easily triple the size of my one-room apartment. We gravitated toward the couch. My stomach flipped as he sat very close, draping his arm behind me along the back.

  “Tell me you didn’t get married.” His question was abrupt, and I was surprised to see how nervous he looked.

  I shook my head. “No. Of course not.” Looking up into those stunning eyes, I wondered how many women had been dazzled by that exquisite face.

  “Have you had any other relationships?”

  Damn. He was taking stock immediately. I guess I didn’t blame him. My body was already instinctively turning toward his.

  Shaking my head, I murmured, “No.”

  “Me neither,” he shrugged. “I mean, nothing serious. Everyone kept trying to set me up, but it just didn’t take.” His grin looked different on his older face. Less goofy. Far sexier, and self-assured.

  He was so dazzlingly handsome that it was tricky not to stare. No wonder he was becoming a rockstar. That strange quality of being lit up from within was right there.

  His fingers brushed against mine again, and that tiny touch was all it took for me to remember every ounce of lust I’d ever had in my life. All for him.

  The way he was looking at
me was odd. He’d always stared at me as if I were his favorite project. Something to be adored and analyzed. Yet there was more now. Something deeper.

  “Please...” His voice, always so rich and certain, was practically quavering. “May I kiss you?”

  I didn’t know why I’d come here until I saw the absolute torment in his eyes. I leaned toward him. My chin tipped up as my hands wrapped around his shoulders. My body was screaming for him and my brain had gone numb with shock.

  As his lips met mine, I felt a flash of pure energy shoot through me. It was the high of a roller coaster mixed with the comfort of coming home.

  His hands caressed my back gently as he pulled me to his firm, warm body. Every dream I’d ever had of seeing him again came flooding back. My lips parted as he took me over completely. Nate laid back on the couch, resting me on top of him, our kiss unbroken.

  “Oh god, I’ve missed you, Trisha,” he murmured against my lips. Grabbing my hand, he placed it over the strangely luxurious fabric of his tight t-shirt. I could actually feel his heart hammering. “I knew we’d end up together again someday.”

  I didn’t want to correct him that we weren’t exactly together. We were two people reconnecting. Testing the waters.

  His fingers trailed along the side of my face, then across my cheekbone as if he was trying to feel what I looked like with his eyes closed.

  Our lips parted, his tongue entering my mouth gently. Since Nate was the only boy I'd ever kissed, I couldn't be certain, but it seemed to be one of the infinite things he was talented at. There was certainly more heat, compared to our first tentative teenage kisses. My hands moved across his shoulders, feeling the thick muscle that trailed down his arm.

  "I love the way you touch me," he murmured.

  His other hand began to travel up my spine, caressing and teasing. My body filled with a deep, strange tension. I sat up quickly, blinking as he grinned at me.

  "Sorry," he said softly. "I get it – too quick." His thumb trailed along my lower lip as he stared at it. "I'll try to resist just a bit longer."

  His arm wrapped around my shoulders as we sat together, almost snuggling. It was so familiar, and different. Comfortable and electric.

  "I know," he said, flashing me that dazzling grin. "This is amazing, and completely weird. Right?"

  "Yeah,” I agreed. "Congratulations, by the way. I only saw the last twenty minutes of the final episode because my friend ordered me too. Was it fun being on TV?"

  He shrugged, his fingers trailing along my shoulder and down my arm. "It was a lot of work, and odd circumstances. But there were a lot of fun moments."

  "I thought that you hated reality TV," I smiled.

  "This was a different sort of reality," he said. "All of the contestants were people that might end up working together someday, so everyone was pretty cool. We helped each other out. I don't know how they edited the show, but there were several amazing late-night jam sessions where we threw rhymes and riffs at each other."

  “So you haven't really seen the show either?" I laughed.

  "No, I thought that would make me too uncomfortable. My manager Dave watched every episode and gave me an overview. Then there was the final vote show, and I sort of know how that one turned out."

  “I'm glad that you took your music to the next level," I said. "I knew you had it in you, but you know… A lot changes when you hit twenty."

  "Not for me. I went to university to study music, then had my band Violet Circles for a few years. Then just as I was getting my new band together, this contest came up, and I ended up in California for almost two months."

  I kept losing my train of thought when I stared into his eyes for more than a few blinks. "Where is the new band going to be located?" I asked.

  Nate frowned, staring down at his knees for a moment. "We're not sure yet. Two of the four of us have ties in both Vancouver and Toronto. My old band is from Vancouver, but my manager just moved to Toronto. Our drummer found an amazing rehearsal space in Vancouver, but my bass player has been looking at places in Toronto."

  His arm tightened around my shoulder, and I slipped closer to him. "Obviously I want to move here now. Immediately."

  My body jerked back an inch, and he looked puzzled. "You can't… You can't just switch your life around because you found me," I said. "I mean, you don't even know me anymore."

  His easy smile relaxed me completely. "So let me get to know you. Tell me everything. How did you get to be the IT princess of a radio station?"

  I laughed, my body relaxing again. Outside the giant window, the lights of the city were beginning to sparkle as the sun went down.

  "Please refrain from using the word princess," I smirked. "It's hard enough for a woman to be respected as a technical person. It really is still a boys club."

  His fingers began tracing little designs along my shoulder blade. “Yeah, I've seen it at gigs. Every time there's a female sound tech, she looks a bit tense until she sees that there is a girl in our band."

  "I've heard tales of grouchy live sound techs. I guess women in that industry would have even more reason to be grumpy."

  "For sure," he said quickly. "I've actually seen musicians assume that techs were somebody's girlfriend, and not listen to directions."

  "Thank goodness you were there to put them in their place," I said. Nate was always the first to call out a misogynist.

  He grinned. "Somebody has to do it. It might as well be me. And of course, it's easier for me to politely correct someone when I have several people standing behind me. Usually their own band turns around and agrees with me."

  "So, you toured a lot?" I asked.

  He shrugged. It was almost distracting how much wider his shoulders were. "Just North America. Usually three or four week tours, nothing major yet. With the new band and this new promo push from the contest, we'll probably do a longer tour in a few months."

  His eyes locked on mine. "You did it again. Diverted the conversation away from you and onto me." His laugh was deeper. Sexier. "I'm going to have to pay more attention and re-learn your tricky ways."

  I shrugged, flashing him a little smile.

  Nate's entire face softened. "Damn, I missed that," he practically whispered. "The way your nose crinkles when you smile." He leaned in, his lips barely brushing mine.

  It was too hard to think when he was touching me. I knew that if we started things up again, all of the old problems would be hugely amplified from his new star status. That wasn't something I thought I could handle.

  No matter what, it was definitely just a matter of time before somebody discovered that he’d found me. People loved gossip, and that whole media system seemed to get worse every day. Nate would keep his blinders on, as he always did, but it wouldn’t help. I could only hope that we weren’t discovered for at least a few months, until we could figure out what was going on between us.

  Then my hands wrapped around his neck, my fingers twisting into the back of his thick brown hair. He began kissing me hard, deep, and my brain shut off completely.

  Chapter Ten ~ Nate

  * Taking a Breath *

  In another universe, I could quit every project I was working on and simply kiss Trisha for the rest of my days. Even though I had been fantasizing about this moment for years, I was practically paralyzed from the intensity of it.

  She was in my arms, where she belonged. She hadn't gone off and gotten married, or completely changed to the point where I didn't recognize her. She had definitely grown, and changed, but she was still my sweet beautiful girl. Her warm, soft lips against mine felt blissfully perfect.

  Trisha pulled away again, her hand on my chest. Her adorable smile was so easy for me to read. “After all this time, I can't believe that this connection we've always had is still right here," she said softly.

  Her fingers were twitching slightly, and she was definitely overwhelmed. Sitting up straight, I put a little space between us, just holding her hand. She knew precisely what I was doing.
We each took a big breath in, then blew it out slowly.

  When I was writing my paper on dealing with fear, it was the first thing that every doctor recommended. But when we took a slow breath together, it was so much more. I wanted her to know that it was my way of showing her that she could completely be herself around me. It didn't matter that she was shy or nervous. She could always take as much time as she needed.

  It was also more intimate than that. I studied breathing during my vocal lessons, and it was always about listening to my own body. Timing a breath with Trisha was a bit more tricky. I had to read her body language. Plus, it always made her grin from ear to ear.