Love in the Darkness: A shy girl alpha male romance novel Page 12

  “Can I sleep in your bed instead of on your couch this time?” he murmured against my ear.

  “Yes,” I giggled. “Maybe even tomorrow night too.”

  “You’ll be stuck with me a lot more than that,” he chuckled. “Kayla, I’m never letting you go.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  * Liam *

  I’d never felt genuinely addicted to anything in my life before. Going to the gym made me feel clear, and I found it very comforting. But if I pulled something, I was just fine skipping it for as long as I needed to heal properly.

  I enjoyed a cup of coffee every morning, but once in a while I would do a bit of a cleanse with nothing but fruit and vegetables for a week. I was fine without the caffeine.

  But Kayla… Dear God, Kayla.

  There was no way on this earth I would ever get enough of her smile, her touch. Her soft little giggle as she told me about some of the strangest art she was studying.

  We were in constant communication, and I felt closer to her than I ever had with another human being. Even Gwen, who I’ve spent all thirty-six years of my life with.

  There were things that I confessed to Kayla that I had sworn I would never tell another living soul. Like my secret shower singing playlist of bubblegum pop songs. And the way I always kept my favorite coffee mug out of the dishwasher because I never quite trusted them.

  I was delighted that Kayla opened up to me, sharing some of her childhood fantasies, her favorite books, and how she screamed and cried with delight sometimes while watching championship figure skating.

  We were perfect for each other, and our lives blended together so well. Most of our time was spent at her apartment, since she had heavy curtains and blinds on every window. But I took her to my condo several times so that I could make her a fancy dinner.

  Caring for Kayla was my new obsession. I began every morning thinking about how I could make her smile. The healthy things I could cook for us, and what little surprises I could create for her.

  I checked the weather obsessively, looking forward to cloudy days so that we could go shopping together, or for an earlier walk.

  Although I would never push her, she was indoors so much that I felt obligated to gently encourage her to get more fresh air.

  We did everything together, from laundry to housework to reading. After just three weeks, I really didn’t think that I could imagine life without her.

  My gorgeous new girlfriend allowed me the exquisite honor of eating her delectable pussy every single night. I forced myself to go straight to sleep afterward once in a while so that I didn’t wear her out. I needed to remember that she was a delicate little thing, and still healing. But most nights we made love over and over, wringing every drop of pleasure from each other until we practically collapsed.

  Everything was so perfect that I could have exploded from joy.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  * Kayla *

  Everything was so close to perfect. I had everything I’d ever wanted, and then some. A lot more. I felt impossibly guilty that I was so cared for, so spoiled, treated so wonderfully. And I was starting to feel claustrophobic.

  I adored Liam in every possible way, but he was beside me or behind me at all times. He picked me up from class. He picked up groceries with me. He came shopping to help me pick out socks.

  I didn’t know if it was that I wasn’t used to it, or that he was clingy. The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt his feelings when he’d been nothing but wonderful in every possible situation. But it was becoming too much for me to take and I was becoming terrified that I might snap someday.

  There must be ways to get through it, and I knew that if I studied some books on the subject, and became more comfortable, I’d find ways to manage.

  Liam hadn’t been to the gym in a few weeks, and he’d mentioned that was where he usually blew off some steam.

  After a hot round of morning sex followed by a quick shower with some very intimate scrubbing, I wrapped myself in my robe to make a cup of tea.

  As he was getting dressed, I called out, “Hey, Liam? I have a bunch of reading to do this morning. I know you haven’t been to the gym in a while. So, if you’d like to miss the excitement of my flipping pages, now would be a great time.”

  His adorable grin leaned out of the bedroom door frame. “Yeah? That’s a good idea.” He blew me a kiss. “But you’ll take breaks every twenty minutes, right?”

  “I’ll set my timer.”

  “Okay.”

  I watched from the corner of my eye as he threw some things in his gym bag and yanked on his shoes. I still couldn’t believe that a man this gorgeous wanted to spend any time with me at all, much less every single minute.

  From the kiss he gave me before he left, I would have thought he was leaving the country for a year. I felt his passion in the backs of my knees as his lips crushed to mine with a heat that made me floaty.

  Then guilt washed through me as I realized how relieved I was as soon as I was alone in my apartment again.

  I shouldn’t feel trapped. I shouldn’t feel restricted. Honestly, what the hell was wrong with me?

  I wanted to be with him, and was absolutely delighted how everything was going so far. I just needed a pinch of space to balance things out.

  Just as I was about to open my laptop, I heard a knock at the door. I knew that Liam would not lose his key, but maybe he wanted one more kiss.

  Opening the door, my mouth fell open and I began to scream in shock as Angie launched herself at me in a huge laughing hug. We tumbled into the apartment as she kicked the door shut. Then she grabbed my face, studying my eyes.

  “Wow,” she exclaimed, “They’re both so straight. That looks amazing.”

  I grinned so wide my face felt stretched as I grabbed her hand and dragged her to the couch. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  “Surprise! It’s my dad’s fiftieth birthday party tomorrow, so Matt and I came back for a visit.”

  “And you didn’t tell me? Jerk.”

  She laughed loudly, and I realized how much I had missed that sound. “We actually weren’t sure we could make it until a few days ago.”

  “Where is Matt now?”

  “He took off to catch up with some friends. I might meet up with him for dinner, or I might just see him late tonight.”

  I realized with sudden certainty that she had the sort of balance I was looking for.

  “What’s wrong?” she said instantly, reaching out to give my hand a shake.

  “It’s great that you guys can be apart sometimes,” I said carefully.

  “Don’t dick around. Spit it out,” she said, looking at me flatly. “Something is wrong. What is it?”

  I took a long, slow breath. It was awkward to vent relationship problems, since I’d never done this before.

  “Everything is wonderful with Liam, but he’s sort of… Always here. He’s beside me every time I turn around. He picks me up from class, we eat every single meal together. It’s great that he’s still taking care of me, but–”

  “Jesus Christ, you need some space,” she exclaimed. “Kayla, you’ve told him that you are a quiet little loner girl, right?”

  “Well, not really? I mean, he asked me about friends when he first showed up, and I told him about you.”

  “But you didn’t specifically spell out that you need a lot of time alone to be comfortable.”

  “Not exactly, but you think he would know, wouldn’t he?”

  Angie shook her head. “Listen, men and women communicate very differently. As soon as we both learn to shift a little, everything gets easier. Men, as a general rule, ask for what they want. Women feel guilty about mentioning our needs for some stupid reason. So we hint and suggest instead of saying things out loud. All you have to do is tell him.”

  Desperately trying to stop wringing my hands, I said, “But he’s been so amazing to me. I can’t tell him that I want him to go away.”

  “You don’t want him to go
away,” Angie said carefully. “You want a little space to yourself now and then. There is absolutely nothing wrong with stating what you need.”

  She reached out to give my hand another shake to make me look up at her as she said, “You need alone time like other people need water and air. If he’s any kind of a good guy, he can’t be offended when you tell him that.”

  Then she looked around. “You said he’s always here. Do you have him chained in the other room or something?”

  I laughed. “I have a bunch of reading to do this morning, so I suggested he go to the gym. Reading is my calm place, the gym is his.”

  “Grab your purse,” and she said, jumping up.

  “Where are we going?”

  “My dad put us up in a really nice hotel. Let’s go have a fancy lunch, then get massages.”

  “I can’t just take off. Can I?”

  “Of course you can. Kayla, I know you’ve never had a boyfriend before, but you shouldn’t feel like you need to ask permission to take off with a buddy. Send him a text so he knows you’re safe. Nobody can say no to a free massage.”

  “Good point,” I shrugged.

  Running to the bedroom to put on a nicer sweater and a pinch of lipstick, I grabbed my bag and locked the door. In the elevator, I sent Liam a text.

  “Angie appeared out of nowhere, and has taken me away for a fancy lunch and spa day. I’ll text you later when I know I’m coming home. Hope that you have a great time at the gym. xoxo.”

  As we jumped in a cab and took off to her hotel downtown, I realized how much I really had been needing some girl time.

  I knew that Angie was right, and that Liam shouldn’t have a problem with me asking for a little space. But I’d never dealt with this sort of thing before, and it made me incredibly nervous.

  After everything he had done for me, I didn’t want to disappoint him. I couldn’t let him think for one second that I loved him any less, or didn’t want to be with him constantly.

  Perhaps a glass of wine and an hour of laughter would reset my brain so that I could think straight.

  But by the time we’d had pasta and wine, a massage and champagne, and a martini at the hotel bar with a massive cheese plate, my head was spinning a bit. While Angie had one more drink, I had a huge glass of sparkling water.

  “When did you become such a lightweight?” she laughed.

  “I don’t like feeling out of control, you know that,” I smirked. “Besides, I’m still a little wobbly sometimes.”

  “Are you?” She looked at me carefully. “You seem brighter and louder than I’ve ever seen you, actually.”

  I swirled the ice and lime in my glass, then looked over to catch her examining me. “It’s funny,” I said quietly. “I do feel stronger. But Liam’s a little overprotective, so I keep second guessing myself, taking it easy and being super careful.”

  Angie’s entire face softened under her new Australian tan. “Aww, he really loves you.”

  “Yup. He really does.”

  She pushed the flower arrangement to the side, then reached out to pat my hand on the table. “You guys will figure it out. I promise.”

  “Oh, damn.” I dug out my phone to check the time. “I should likely go. Can I see you again tomorrow?”

  “That’s the big party. But we’re here for a week. Let’s set up dinner with the four of us.” Her eyes sparkled naughtily. “You’ll let me give Liam the third degree, right? Make sure he’s good enough for you?”

  “Sure thing. As long as you don’t mind that I’ll be giving Matt royal hell for stealing my best friend away like a thief in the night.”

  “Can’t wait.”

  After I hugged her goodbye, I jumped in a cab and rushed home, but Liam wasn’t there.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  * Liam *

  After positively killing it at the gym, I felt refreshed. As much as I adored long slow walks with Kayla, they weren’t always very aerobic. I usually leaned her against a tree to make out with her every ten minutes or so.

  As I left the gym, I pulled out my phone to text Kayla that I was coming home, and got a message saying that she had left.

  It was great that Angie was in town, and she wanted to catch up with her friend. But I wondered why she would bother leaving the apartment. I could feel overprotective urges rising up, and tried to talk myself down.

  I sent her a message back.

  “Hey baby, please tell Angie I said hello. Since you’re out, I’m going to check on Gwen, then pick up groceries on the way home. Hope to see you soon, and have a nice time.”

  Gwen and I had always dropped in on each other without calling first, but since her new boyfriend lived in the building, I sent her a text.

  “Warning – your big little brother will be knocking on your door in a few minutes. Hope that’s okay?”

  I received a reply seconds later.

  “Sure – I’ll leave the door unlocked, because you love it when I do that.”

  Shortly after, I knocked then walked into her apartment to find her sprawled on the couch with a magazine.

  “What if I was a burglar?” I said sternly. “What if I was a creep with a weapon?”

  Tossing her magazine on the table and sitting up straight, Gwen shrugged. “If you had a weapon, you could’ve just broken in anyway.”

  “Why must you annoy me so much?” I chuckled, plopping on the end of her couch.

  “Because you are amusing when that little vein in the side of your forehead puffs up and starts twitching.” She flashed me a grin. “How’s it going?”

  “Amazing.”

  “And how is Kayla?”

  I grinned even wider. “Also amazing. Things are great. I mean, this is the longest we’ve been apart in weeks.”

  “What?” She froze and looked at me very oddly. “Say that again, but slower.”

  “Huh? Things are great…”

  “The other bit.”

  Why was my sister always so weirdly dramatic? “This is the longest we’ve been apart in weeks.”

  She fixed me with a stern look. “Now roll that around in that big, thick noggin of yours for a second.”

  I didn’t see the problem, so I just stared at her with an eyebrow raised. She looked up at the ceiling, and I watched her mouth the words as she counted to three.

  Then Gwen fixed me with a stare. “Think, dude. Remember how Kayla is a loner? Remember how she is a shy girl who putters with her schoolwork, and her books, and she spends a whole bunch of her time alone?”

  “Well, yeah. But now I’m with her.”

  She flashed me a glance that I think was pity. Then she shook her head. “Okay, I forget that you grew up around me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I always spit out exactly what I want. I don’t hide my feelings, I don’t screw around, I just say things out loud. A lot of women are not like that at all. Kayla is shy. Reserved. If she needs some space, she might be too nervous to tell you, for fear of hurting your feelings or causing a scene.”

  “I would never cause a scene,” I said quickly, completely rattled. “She can tell me anything. She should know that, right?”

  Gwen shrugged. “I don’t know. She’s really timid. She’s probably never had a boyfriend before, I’m guessing. So it might be extremely difficult for her to stand up and state what she wants if she knows it might hurt your feelings.”

  “Oh, shit,” I muttered, staring down at my white knuckles as I realized my hands were in fists. I looked up to Gwen in horror. “Am I smothering her?”

  “I don’t know,” she said gently. “But you’re going to have to have that conversation, aren’t you?” She paused for a second. “I assume you’re apart right now because you went to the gym?” she asked, glancing at my bag in her hallway.

  “Yeah. She said she had a bunch of reading to do, and suggested I go work out.”

  “Good for her,” Gwen said. “That was likely her way of trying to get a little space.”

&nbs
p; “But then her friend from Australia showed up, and she took off to have a girls day,” I said.

  Gwen nodded, smiling. “Okay, that’s good. I’m glad she took off without asking permission.”

  “Why the hell would she ask me for permission to go anywhere?”

  Gwen shrugged. “Because women are weird. Some families teach little girls to be silent and pretty, and never make a fuss, and so we learn to do everything in our power to never, ever make waves.”

  “That’s not what I expect at all,” I said quickly.

  “Yes, but Liam, even though you’re being a little blind about a few things, you are way more sensitive than most men. A lot of guys just use a woman’s demure attitude to their advantage, and don’t question it. I’m hoping that you are bright enough to question it.”

  “Okay. What should I do?”

  Gwen smiled, nodding toward the kitchen. “You can wash my dishes, to start.”

  “Not a chance.”

  “Worth a shot,” she shrugged. “First off, you’re asking your big sister for advice, which is always a good idea.”

  “Obviously.”

  “Now you’re going to have to sit your new girlfriend down and ask her what she needs. You’ll have to be encouraging, calm, and tell her that you realize she probably needs some space.”

  “She won’t think that I’m pushing her away?”

  “Not at all. It takes some time to find a balance, and I know you guys will get there, but just keep in mind that she is fiercely independent. The concept of someone caring for her while she was bandaged freaked her out, remember? She needs to feel that she can take care of her own life, and that she’s in control. Even though you obviously love her, and want to help her, you can’t suddenly take that away from her or she might feel a little…”

  “Claustrophobic?” I suggested.

  She nodded. “Yeah. I was going to say trapped, but that’s a little too extreme.”